Can God Really Help You?

Do you know what I mean by ‘those comments’? They range from the well meaning comment from a loved from to the deliberately spiteful comment from a not so loved one. The well meaning comments are meant to be well meaning in that the person is gently trying to suggest maybe we need to watch what we eat. The spiteful comments are just designed to wound. There is a whole spectrum in between, a careless throwaway remark, the ‘I didn’t think about what I was saying’ remark or the ‘somebody needs to say something’ remark.

The one thing they all have in common is that they hurt. They piece our hearts. You see, we know we need to lose weight and we know we shouldn’t have that second helping. We don’t need someone else to point it out, even if they are trying to help. It just makes us feel worse, because now we realise that they have noticed. We were already struggling, now there is even more guilt and condemnation heaped upon us. One of the worse effects of ‘those comments’; is that they tend to drive us underground. We take the biscuit into another room, or go back for a second helping of pudding when no one is looking. 

Here are a few (and it is only a few of them because I could write a book on this alone!!) of the ones I have had fired at me;
1. “Are you pregnant, oh no you’re just fat” snigger, snigger.
2. “Haven’t you just had a biscuit?”
3. “At least I don’t look like a football in my swimming costume”, after I commented that a friends new costume was very bright.
4. “Weren’t you slimmer the last time we met”.
5. Person 1 “Do you want a biscuit?” Person 2 “No she doesn’t” snigger, snigger.

The list goes on. I’ve stopped writing because it was starting to hurt as I thought back. Each of these comments and many more, really cut me. The fact that the memory is so clear is an indication that they caused pain.

Do you have your own list?

Remember the playground song, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but calling cannot harm me”? Well it’s not true, calling does harm you. Physical wounds heal fairy easily, but emotional wounds take a bit more dealing with.

Hopefully you read the introduction before you started this course, when I pointed out that you needed to follow this course in the order set out. To receive healing from the years of hurts we need to grasp the lessons of the past days, because ‘those comments’ affect you as follows;

• Love   You feel that you are not loved.
• Fear   You become afraid of being on the receiving end.
• Forgiveness   Unforgiveness can take root.
• Motivation   They de-motivate you.
• Condemnation   You feel condemned.
• Fear of Man   You develop a fear of what people think of you.
• Broken Heart   They break your heart.
• Let Go   You become afraid to let go in case you get hurt.
• Eat with People   You eat alone to avoid comments.
• Critical Spirit   When you are criticised, a critical spirit develops in you as a defence mechanism.
• Beauty   You doubt your beauty.
• Weight   They help you believe that you are defined by your weight.

At this stage, you may need to take the time to go back over some of the previous pages, applying the lessons to the hurts you have received from verbal darts.

There is one more thing that you need to understand. When people make these comments, it says more about them than it does you. It shows that their heart is hurting. Hurting people hurt others. It’s the way the world goes around. These people need love and you can help both of you by showing it to them. Your weight or appearance is not the answer to their problems. Even if you were totally slim and gorgeous, they wouldn’t feel any better about themselves. Maybe they would get a moment of satisfaction if it’s your spouse, but they will soon find something else to criticise, because the problem is within them, not you. One of the sad things about it is that they will usually know that they have hurt you and either feel guilty or harden their heart to defend themselves. The cycle will just go on and on. It needs love to break it.

Today

Today go and do something nice for yourself. Go for a beauty treatment or treat yourself to a new outfit. Buy yourself some flowers or have a long bath. You know what you enjoy. Go on, forget everybody else and have a nice time.